I recently wrote a guest post on how motherhood can be lonely at times and on ways to try and make new mummy friends. Though just because you have children in common doesn’t mean that you’ll get along. It’s not a given that a person will automatically understand you, get you, simply because you’ve been through the same experience.
Building long lasting friendships that go beyond the existence of your children takes time. It also means you’ll have to invest and mostly it means laying yourself bare.
MY NEW MUMMY SELF
Since taking up blogging this is something I’ve tried to do more off. Opening up. Allowing others in. Being trapped in a perfectionistic idea of how to act means that this is not an easy thing for me. Admitting that my days are not always amazing. That I don’t always feel great. That life can be hard.
Though I’ve found that writing helps. That humour helps.
SOMETIMES I’M THE MUM WHO
The other day I hissed at my son. He was tired. I was tired. It happened. We are both fine. Life moves on. It did get me thinking though. Being a parent will never be a simple thing. The challenges are ever-changing as your child grows and develops. When you think you’ve established a routine, things change and you have to get to grips with a whole new set of skills in order to handle the situation.
Sometimes I’m the mum who gives in and allows my child to have chocolate on an ordinary Wednesday. When he was born I swore he wouldn’t have sugar and sweets in everyday life, but as long as that is not all he has I think he’ll be okay.
Sometimes I’m the mum who will put everything else aside to just be with her son. It’s hard as with working from home there are plenty of distractions to steal my attention. The pressure to stay on top of everything. No time for a break. Though breaks are important. I’m learning that. Making time for play is important. Building weirdly shaped houses out of Duplo is surprisingly fun and calming.
Sometimes I’m the mum who walks home really, really slowly from the train station after having been out for work to enjoy those last minutes of not being in charge of a little human life. I think this is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. The responsibility. The feeling of constantly being on ‘suicide’ watch as your toddler explores the world around them. This is why stay-at-home mums (or dads) deserve so much more credit. It’s emotionally not to mention physically draining to keep up with everything these little ones get themselves into. Being in a normal job is easy in comparison.
Sometimes I’m the mum who wishes she was better at saying no. And not just to her child!
Sometimes I’m the mum who’s hormones get the better of her. Who is breastfeeding a toddler and ideally would like to stop yet know how much comfort it brings him so she carries on. The cuddles are great, the continued wake ups in the night maybe not so much.
Sometimes I’m the mum who feels on top of the world. Who feels like she can take on anything and everything.
Sometimes I’m the mum who forgets to look after herself. Who doesn’t know how to ask for help. Who feels lonely. Who feels like she should be doing better.
Sometimes I’m the mum who’s so bleary eyed that she managed to set herself on fire. Literally. Cooking scrambled eggs the other day, my bathrobe sleeve caught the gas flame and before I knew it the whole thing was going up in flames. Luckily I wasn’t too tired to get it off in time and stamp it out and then put it in the sink.
Sometimes I’m the mum who laughs. The mum who cries. The mum who loves, and perhaps loves too much.
And you know what? That’s okay. Being all of that and more from time to time. Maybe minus the fire bit, could have done without that scare.
Who are you?