I recently wrote a guest post on how motherhood can be lonely at times and on ways to try and make new mummy friends. Though just because you have children in common doesn’t mean that you’ll get along. It’s not a given that a person will automatically understand you, get you, simply because you’ve been through the same experience.
Building long lasting friendships that go beyond the existence of your children takes time. It also means you’ll have to invest and mostly it means laying yourself bare.
MY NEW MUMMY SELF
Since taking up blogging this is something I’ve tried to do more off. Opening up. Allowing others in. Being trapped in a perfectionistic idea of how to act means that this is not an easy thing for me. Admitting that my days are not always amazing. That I don’t always feel great. That life can be hard.
Though I’ve found that writing helps. That humour helps.
SOMETIMES I’M THE MUM WHO
The other day I hissed at my son. He was tired. I was tired. It happened. We are both fine. Life moves on. It did get me thinking though. Being a parent will never be a simple thing. The challenges are ever-changing as your child grows and develops. When you think you’ve established a routine, things change and you have to get to grips with a whole new set of skills in order to handle the situation.
Sometimes I’m the mum who gives in and allows my child to have chocolate on an ordinary Wednesday. When he was born I swore he wouldn’t have sugar and sweets in everyday life, but as long as that is not all he has I think he’ll be okay.
Sometimes I’m the mum who will put everything else aside to just be with her son. It’s hard as with working from home there are plenty of distractions to steal my attention. The pressure to stay on top of everything. No time for a break. Though breaks are important. I’m learning that. Making time for play is important. Building weirdly shaped houses out of Duplo is surprisingly fun and calming.
Sometimes I’m the mum who walks home really, really slowly from the train station after having been out for work to enjoy those last minutes of not being in charge of a little human life. I think this is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. The responsibility. The feeling of constantly being on ‘suicide’ watch as your toddler explores the world around them. This is why stay-at-home mums (or dads) deserve so much more credit. It’s emotionally not to mention physically draining to keep up with everything these little ones get themselves into. Being in a normal job is easy in comparison.
Sometimes I’m the mum who wishes she was better at saying no. And not just to her child!
Sometimes I’m the mum who’s hormones get the better of her. Who is breastfeeding a toddler and ideally would like to stop yet know how much comfort it brings him so she carries on. The cuddles are great, the continued wake ups in the night maybe not so much.
Sometimes I’m the mum who feels on top of the world. Who feels like she can take on anything and everything.
Sometimes I’m the mum who forgets to look after herself. Who doesn’t know how to ask for help. Who feels lonely. Who feels like she should be doing better.
Sometimes I’m the mum who’s so bleary eyed that she managed to set herself on fire. Literally. Cooking scrambled eggs the other day, my bathrobe sleeve caught the gas flame and before I knew it the whole thing was going up in flames. Luckily I wasn’t too tired to get it off in time and stamp it out and then put it in the sink.
Sometimes I’m the mum who laughs. The mum who cries. The mum who loves, and perhaps loves too much.
And you know what? That’s okay. Being all of that and more from time to time. Maybe minus the fire bit, could have done without that scare.
Who are you?
You are doing a great job. It’s hard. Our time (2017) is very demanding. The fire thing- wow. Well at least when you hear that song by Alicia Keys -“That girl is on fire” you can wonder if she wrote it about you. Lol, I’m joking. I am so glad you are okay. Sometimes it’s good to get a laugh out of something in the past that you can’t change now anyways.
I love this post, I can relate to so many of these!! #HumpDayLInky
I can relate to a lot of this. I’m not one dimensional – I don’t think any of us are. I think it’s important not to lose sight of that. I also think it’s important that you avoid cooking in your dressing gown again 😉 #HumpDayLinky
I think lots of us are sometimes that mum. I haven’t set fire to myself though… yet 😉 #PostsFromTheHeart
Working from home is so hard – we deserve medals I think! #postsfromtheheart
Definitely. If people haven’t tried it they cannot relate and so think it’s an easy job.
Definitely relate to this and spent a lot of time telling myself and others I’m not SuperMum and trying to put so much pressure on myself to be everything to everyone #PostsFromTheHeart
I think that’s it though when we try and be everything to everyone else and forget to look after ourselves. I’m sure you are doing a wonderful job xx
I love the suicide watch comparison, it’s as demanding as that. I feel so responsible and a need to be alert and there. I also feel so blessed and surrounded in giggles and love. #PostsFromTheHeart
It really is and unless you’ve been through it, it’s hard to relate to just how much energy it takes. I even think grandparents forget even though they did it once. Though as you say being a parent is so rewarding and makes everything worth it.
Oh this is so relatable, we put so much pressure on ourselves to feel and behave and be a certain way, but sometimes even the most well thought out plans are open to adapting a little bit #PostsFromTheHeart
Great post. Not feel guilty for ‘off days’ or even ‘off moments’ as a Mum is Utopia!! So good to know I’m not alone #postsfromtheheart
Yeh , im the mummy who gives in too much , gives my children chocolate and has set my outfit on fire !! #PostsFromTheHeart
Lovely honest post hun. I think lots of us can relate too most of what you have said
. I’m definitely not a perfect mum but I’m totally ok with it because who really is?xx #postsfromtheheart
Love this post very honest….the fire bit did make me giggle (sorry!) We need to be more honest, this ‘perfection’ on social media is detrimental to mum’s everywhere, its National Mental Health Week…we need more honesty like yours…nobodies perfect. Thank you xxx
I love your honesty. Being a mum is definitely hard work but it’s so rewarding.
Sometimes you are the mum who is AWESOME. I love this post, I’m not a mum yet, only an auntie to what feels like several THOUSAND nieces, nephews and friend’s babies 🙂 and I admire each and every parent I know.
I totally need to be better at saying ‘no’ too. I found this book that apparently will help, it’s called ‘The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k’, really need to read it. 🙂
love this post, being a Mama is amazing – but bloody hard work too!
Sometimes I’m the Mum who wishes the weekends were longer and the weekdays were shorter so there was just a few more minutes to spend playing and not working. #postsfromtheheart
Ahh I am this Mum pretty much all day, every day, one of these, all of these. There’s no perfect Mum, we’ve just got to do our best. xx
Love this! I also give in sometimes and wish I was better at saying no and sticking to it! Stretching out alone time I also do although it’s in the car which isn’t great!
Love this post. The oven caught on fire ONE time and now my kids are terrified or at least skeptical every time I turn the oven on.
I know the feeling – I also walk home from the train station sometimes to enjoy my last few minutes of ‘me’ time. I hate to admit it after being away from my daughter all day, but work is definitely easier by comparison!
Absolutely adore this post. I’d say I’m one of each. Being a mummy is the hardest job in the world but I wouldn’t have it any other way x
I can relate so much to this post! Being honest and open about the way we feel and react sometimes, is the only way to be really. I’m always feeling guilty lately and I only feel like it’ll get worse as the years go on. Just every now and then I rein it back and try and enjoy the simple things with my kids x
I’m the Mum who sometimes swears and shouts…motherhood is hard work. I’ve stopped being strict with myself and eased up when I make mistakes or say the wrong thing as I know that other parents do exactly the same. We’re all in it together! X
Oh honey I can totally relate to this. Parenthood is like one giant rollercoaster and whilst it can be physically and mentally exhausting, it’s totally worth it! You’re a wonderful mum please never forget that.xx
I love everything about this post so very much. You are so right about the mixed blessings about Breastfeeding a toddler. You’d think second time around I may have known better… Thank you for being so honest about both the wonderful parts and hard parts of being a parent. #PostsFromTheHeart
Love this!! Some days it is so hard being a mum but god knows where we would be without them! <3 #PostsFromTheHeart
I think you are doing a great job Mama! It’s hard but all worth it. x
Absolutely love this post!! Definitely relate to pretty much all of them!!
What a brilliant blog post – I think sometimes being brave enough to admit when things are hard or when things haven’t gone to plan mean you’ve actually got your shit together WAY more than the people who don’t! Setting your robe on fire sounds pretty scary though!! Well done you for reacting so quickly. And it’s worth saying: you look gorgeous in your photos!
I’m definitely sometimes the mum who does lots of those things. But we are amazing mummy’s! x
You sound like an absolutely fabulous mummy!
Thank you for being so open & honest, I really think us mumma’s are our worst critics.
<3 Choccie for the win! <3