How do you handle it when people closest to you let you down? I don’t mean cancelling an appointment last minute or forgetting to return the umbrella they borrowed. I’m talking about when people you know and love suddenly act completely out of character or simply turn on you? Or when they stop supporting you, believing in you? Or simply start taking you for granted?
To be honest I don’t know. If I did I probably would be in a better place right now. It’s being said a lot, but that’s probably because it’s true. Being a new mum is hard! You have hormones to deal with, you often survive on little sleep and when you think you’ve settled into a routine your baby makes another leap which for a short period creates chaos. Then there’s returning to work whether that’s full time in an office surrounded by colleagues who knew you before you became someone’s mum. Or mostly from home, like me. There’s also trying to figure out who you are in the role of mother.
All of this is probably easier to handle if you have a good support network. Family that help out, especially if they do so respectfully and on your terms. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but what if you don’t even have a neighbour? This is starting to hit home for me. Neither Daddy Long Legs nor I have family close by. We have some good friends, but London is big, so even if we share the same city we are geographically far apart, which makes helping out on a daily basis more difficult.
I feel like I could do with more support. I’m struggling. There I’ve said it out loud. I’ve never been good with opening up. A friend at drama school once said to me that I protect myself behind a wall of glorified happiness, not allowing people in to witness how I’m really doing. She was so right. I’m very good at pretending things are fine because in reality I’m scared of what would happen if I didn’t. I’m a control freak and allowing people to see how I’m actually doing would mean that I’m no longer in control of the situation. Opening up here is a big, scary step. And of course it doesn’t help if those you depend on are not there when you truly need them.
The problem is that if I tell my family in Denmark, I get met by I told you so’s and it’s your own fault for moving away. But I love it here. I’ve always felt at home in London. I don’t agree with what’s happening in the UK at the moment and maybe that is part of my upset. But I love that it’s super multicultural and it’s felt like everyone was always welcomed in London.
Then I’ve recently had a turbulent time work wise. The blog is doing very well, which I’m immensely proud of, but again those closest to me don’t seem to celebrate with me. Maybe they don’t understand. Or maybe they don’t really care. I’m still trying to work out whether to return to acting or head in a different direction. I’d love to make the blog my full time thing, but again that takes a lot of support, which I don’t currently have.
I’m working on a blog post about why I love breastfeeding a toddler, because I do. But it also come with consequences. Like being the only one who can calmly put him to bed. Feeling drained when he feeds through the night during illness or teething leaving me even more sleep deprived than normal. Draining me of goodness that I so want him to have, but that is costing me in terms of being well and energised if I don’t look after myself.
So how do I handle it when those I love the most let me down? When I’ve tried to ask for help and support, but I’m not getting it?
I’m trying to forgive, but some things seem hard to get past even if I want to, as the original episode created a lot of divide in the first place that is still causing emotional ripples in my life. I’m sorry for being vague, but I’m not interested in putting anyone on display here. It hurts though. Being let down by those you love hurts so very much.
I am trying to stay positive though. One step has been to create a happiness board on Pinterest. For now it’s private, but I might share it with you one day. It contains everything I hope and dream of. Hopefully one day these things might actually come true. Hopefully one day I’ll be at peace with those around me. Or they will see how much more I can give if I get a little emotional support from time to time.
How do you deal with emotional letdown?
I can definitely relate to your post. In Denmark I feel I’ve been let down a little, mainly by the state, not so much by loved ones. I honestly don’t feel that welcome in this country, moreso since Brexit.
I do get a few “told you so” remarks from some and have been told I’m selfish for wanting to return to the UK. I have pondered returning home a lot, but I know it would be better for my family to stay. I’ve been trying to make more of an effort to integrate, but it is challenging when I’m basically told my kommune isn’t used to having immigrants here, therefore don’t know what to do with me. It’s an “old” farm kommune in the south. It’s challenging.
I hope you’ll be okay. There’s such a huge support system in this blogging community. I’m happy to be part of it. Many hugs!
I know exactly how you feel about the support network and the close friends. It can be so hard to do all these things on your own. No one else really understands my blog and are mostly dismissive of what I am doing. As for those things in the past – there are skeletons for all of us that don’t need to be aired and shared. But just because they are in the past doesn’t mean they are really gone.
Just be kind to yourself. Life is tough and sometimes it is tougher than others. #PuddingLove
I totally know what you mean. Raising a baby can, at times, be oh so overwhelming. We don’t have much family close by either, besides my husband’s mom who works such crazy hours herself, that she is out of the country much of the time. Support truly is so important, so we’ve been looking into some nearby activities to enroll our son into. Now that he’s 15 months old, I really think it would do us all some good to have him interact with other children, while I have the opportunity to meet other moms. I really think I need that friendship in my life.
I’m definitely looking forward to your breastfeeding post. We’re still breastfeeding as well, and I know how it can definitely be taxing. Take care of yourself mama <3 #KCACOLS
I relate to this a lot. We have no family nearby to support (although my mum stayed with us a few days in the first week for which I will always be grateful!). We don’t really have any friends to help either. One of my oldest friends has not even met my son yet (he’s 14 months) and that hurts me. I’m sorry that you’re struggling but I don’t really have any advice i’m afraid 🙁 #KCACOLS
Me one year ago could have written to this exactly word for word. It was such a tough time for me after my son and I felt so similar to you. I hated hearing that “it will get better” but it did, and it will 😘 You are a great writer and I really enjoy your blog. Thanks for honest post, the sun always shines after the storm… Just a matter of time! #KACOLS
Me and my son is from the Philippines. My son is half British and we moved here when he is 4 months old and can I be honest that I struggled so much. I just gave birth and I am alone when in my head I was expecting that I will have all the help of my family (I have a big one) but instead I am here in the UK all alone.
I totally relate to this post!
#puddinglove
Being a single parent I am used to managing on my own but I’m not sure how I would cope should I be in this situation. I tend to react badly and it never makes things easier. You know where I am any time for a chat or a rant sending lots of love xx #prettyinplaydough
I find this hard too – I often feel let down by others and they don’t even realise as I just put a smile on and don’t show it. I think you’ve taken a great first step to admitting to yourself that you need more help, that is such a positive step forward. #puddinglove
I think having kids is so much harder than anyone tells us. We all try and put a brave face on and people who haven’t lived through it or have gotten through it can’t remember or don’t understand. I feel you. I really do and I wish I had some advice. I’m fed up as well of being unsupported and not nailing anything. Hoping when the kids are bigger it will get easier?! #KCACOLS
Short answer: BADLY. I don’t think I ever really forgive, to be honest. And that seems to have a lot to do with the fact that I can’t forget. I’m lucky to have a really strong support network, but that doesn’t mean that the emotional let downs have never happened, because they have. And they don’t get any easier to deal with.
I hope you start to feel better and more at peace soon. #KCACOLS
I can really relate to this post. I feel like I’m struggling lately too – mostly with my return to work and the impact this is having on my role as a mother – and I feel like I need more support sometimes. Everyone says, “Oh, you/your daughter will get used to it,” which is probably true, but not very helpful right now. All of my family and many of my friends live abroad, which makes things extra hard. I’m lucky to have a supportive partner, though – I’d be lost otherwise. #puddinglove
I relate to so much of this! Also have had no family near by so on my own with kids. Family are supportive, just not close by. Have found people meant to be friends less supportive &, like you’ve found, particularly regarding blog. I’m a real introvert though, so I have to admit that if I feel people have let me down, I often just withdraw from them completely & continue on my own, as I’m naturally quite withdrawn & self contained to start with. Hope you find things improve.
Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.
It’s one of my biggest problems, dealing with being let down. Sometime I am let down by the people closest to me and it genuinely breaks me. Dramatic, but true. I have recently become a Huffington Post blogger and no one understands that it is a big deal, no one even seems to care at all! And I was so proud but it’s torn m down a little bit. I’m sure everything will be okay, it always is! Thank you for joining in with them #prettyinplaydough linky, hope to see you next week!xxx
Oh lovely I kind of know how you feel, it’s so hard when you don’t have family around and you are juggling everything, and not giving enough time to yourself. That can be hard, and I often feel like that, and end up pushing people away when they offer to help, as I’m too proud to accept it. I also know how you feel about the blog, I always feel that people don’t understand why I do it. Keep going and keep your chin up, you’re blog is fab and you are doing great. Claire x #KCACOLS
I am so lucky to have a good support network, sometimes I don’t realise how lucky I am #PuddingLove x
I’m sorry to hear that you are not in a good place of support right now, even though I love London, I could never live there. Once you close the door at night that’s it no one to talk to.. That is how I see it anyway.
I hope things work out for you, And never forget that the blogging community is one of the most supportive places in the world, sometimes a virtual hug and knowing that people support you, even if they can’t be with you, is enough.
Also, nice to meet you I’m Sassy ❤️ Xxx #PuddingLove
GOSH this is so hard. I too am an EXPAT. Relationships with my family have been very difficult and it is extremely hard when you do not feel emotionally supported. I honestly know how hard it is! Find a different support network – other EXPATs groups, colleagues or friends to fill that gap a little if you can. I am learning to let go… slowly. Sending a big virtual hug.
I don’t know but I suppose one of my problems is that I don’t tell people I’m struggling or need help – so that’s the first step. I’ve found sharing online helpful as there is always someone who has been through the same as you #kcacols
Hi lovely, im so sorry to hear that youre going through a bit of a hard time at the moment. Your post really spoke to me. Having a newborn all over again and a toddler at the same time has been such a wonderful and amazing thing, but at the same time comes with new challenges. The first few weeks has been great, but then the reality of the every day routine creeps in, and once your partner goes back to work it gets pretty lonely. Without going into too much detail, im feeling a little let down too and maybe its a temporary thing, but I really felt like I could relate to your post. I cant imagine how hard it must be to not have your family and a support network around you. Like you I find it really hard to talk about really personal things and let people in so I totally get it, but hopefully you have some good friends you can talk to, or even just some mummy friends that you can sit down and have tea and cake with (which always helps ;-).
I think having support around you when you have a child is so important. I don’t live near our family and before I had the Child I, let’s be honest, had no friends. When she was born I was so lonely and then one day I just decided it was up to me to change. I went to a baby coffee morning a d just chatted to everyone (fake it ’til you make it) and started to build a circle round me. Some people dropped away as we were too different but now I have a good group around me. Sometimes I look at them and think ‘I would never have pictured us friends’ but we are and its great. I’m so much more confident (so confident I set up a blog) but it takes time and a little effort to find your tribe. Good luck.